One of the most frequent ways to start an argument with my
dad is to plan to go out to a nice restaurant to eat. An argument my mother
frequently takes part in. My dad comes from the mindset that family time should
be spent on activities that will give us an experience together not on an
expensive meal that spent on all 5 of us ended up being quite pricey. Although,
I see some validity in his reasoning I still side with my mom because hey, who
doesn't want to eat a fancy meal? Also, after reading Norma Buama Joseph's
article I've realized that sharing a good meal with people you love can be one
of the most memorable experiences you can partake in. Food really is the
language of memory as seen by how it commemorates major religious traditions. Especially in my family, where if a night of Ramadan goes by without a full meal being made its practically a crime. I have loved coming from a family where culturally and religiously food has highlighted so many holidays. It's allowed each holiday to be more memorable because of how a dish can be so captivating of many senses. Sharing a moment of
really spectacular food with people you love and care about really imprints
that moment in your memory. I agree that spending upwards of $250 on a
meal isn’t an economically sound decision but sometimes exceptions can be made.
It appears my comment (with grade) somehow disappeared/never got posted. The prompt for this blog post assignment assigned you to write about food as related to either gender or religion (or both). I feel that you could have done more to focus on those themes, as you mention religion only once in the post; this is why I've had to assign a "Check minus" for this post. If you would like to rewrite the assignment and repost, please let me know when we meet in office hours this week.
ReplyDeleteGrade: Check minus
COMMENT FOR REVISED VERSION
ReplyDeleteThe sentences that you have added do address food's connection to religion more explicitly.
However, your post still lacks in some areas. The grammatical errors (as noted in the comment on your other post, which I think somehow got double-posted: http://foodfeelingsandfilm.blogspot.com/2016/09/fancy-restaurant-vs-experience.html) which you made in the first version have not been fixed in this revised version. One specific type of grammatical error that you make, for example, is sentence fragments/incomplete sentences (e.g. your second sentence, and the newly-added sentence about Ramadan).
Furthermore, I want to stress that revision means more than simply adding new sentences. When writing, always be aware of your text (be it a blog post or essay) as a whole. Part of achieving cohesion is about organization. You do a better job of integrating your revised sentences here than in your "Trying New Foods" post. However, I think this post could be more cohesive: the beginning of your post seems to be about a different topic than the second half. Your concluding sentence refers back to the expensiveness of eating at restaurants, but doesn't explicitly address the religious aspect which you have now added. Sometimes revision means completely getting rid of what you have previously written, if you find that it no longer fits/makes sense with your newly-added material.
The revision/editing process can be very difficult! I think, therefore, that one of our in-class activities in the coming weeks will be a revision exercise; you may choose any of your blog posts to revise in that class period. In the mean time, please let me know if you have further questions.
Grade: Check minus